i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
