In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
