before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
