1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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