i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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