i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
