Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
