The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
