Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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