You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
