Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
