Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
