she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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