I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
