I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
