my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize