He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
