awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
