naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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