Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
