was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
