Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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