So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
