Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
