whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
