What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im holly from the hills drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
