I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
