You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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