is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
