i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
