She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he puts the penis in happiness.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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