When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
