i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
