made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
