Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
