goodnight i made you a song goodbye
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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