I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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