I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
