Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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