I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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