Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
