I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
