During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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