But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
