Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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