I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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