I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
