We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
