update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
