Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
