i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize