he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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