fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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