Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
