Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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