Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
