I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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