Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You dont lie about slip and slides
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
