pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
