We got so high we made milksteak
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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