Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
