White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
