This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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