picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
