i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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