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my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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