No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.