i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him