11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?