Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
