...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need water and some morals
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
