I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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