so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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