OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket