It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
