He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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