I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
