Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
