I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
