the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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