we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
