and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
