If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
