the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
