Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize