PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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